MadChess

I read an interesting post on a computer chess forum last night. It began:

Dixondeuxyeux’s Post

I thought I would share a few observations that might be of interest to some of you. It was Mark Twain who wrote, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” I like this adage because it is a humbling reminder that the game we enjoy so much is a brutally honest and cruel taskmaster. It is believed that after the first nine moves of any game, the possible continuations outnumber all the atoms in the known universe. Chess is a mix of mental logic, mathematical calculation, emotional risk, physical courage and a hint of spiritual enlightenment. When we play chess, we place our egos and our sense of self on the line every game. Have you ever lost a game and wanted to crush the world, lash out at your opponent, question your reason for living? I have. Have you ever seen a fight break out during or after a match? I have. If chess is just a game, why are we so prone to violence? Kasparov said that chess would have a lot more adherents if it were correctly seen as a blood sport.

The entire post, written by a Swede with username dixondeuxyeux, is worth reading here: I Play Computer Chess To Lose.

The Swede’s post got me thinking about chess, games, and life in general. I composed a response. Stayed up two hours later than I had planned to ensure I properly expressed the thoughts swirling in my head. I’ll share my response here, with minor edits for clarity.

My Response

Thank you dixondeuxyeux for sharing your thoughts. Great quote from Twain.

Your post got me thinking late on a Friday night.

Personally, I feel it’s beneficial for your mental health to do things you’re not expert at. (We GenXers+ should say so often to Gen Zers and other victims of social media overexposure.) I am expert in certain areas of my (software development) career, though I’d never describe myself in such terms outside of here to make a point. (Scandinavians will recognize my hesitancy is due to Jantelagen, taught to me by my father.) Should I focus only on those areas in which I’m proficient? No, that would stroke my ego, which is pointless.

I feel it’s beneficial for your mental health to do things you’re not expert at. We GenXers+ should say so often to Gen Zers and other victims of social media overexposure.

Struggle, be uncomfortable, make mistakes, practice, push yourself to improve. It helps you keep an even keel and take things in stride when real shit happens. You know… life.

Did I not play basketball when I was young because I saw Michael Jordan play? Did I think, “What’s the point? Who’s ever going to play at a higher caliber than MJ?” No, I played because it’s a fun, competitive game and great exercise. Even at middling skill levels.

My wife, while we were dating, got me into running. We’ve been happily married nine years now (minus a few days here and there, ha ha).

Am I a fast runner? No. I’m at about the 40th percentile, so I make a lot of other people feel fast. You’re welcome. You just wait- I’ll get relatively faster as I get older but stay in shape. I’m 50 now.

I look fast based on my slim build. But I have pectus excavatum. Also, my wife points out, I don’t train enough. Pfft. What does she know? (She’s a Boston Marathon qualifier and full Ironman finisher… whatever.) 🙂 My pectus excavatum is not severe (1), but bad enough I was self-conscious as a teenager when playing shirts-and-skins basketball games. I’m a pretty good athlete but, well, you feel eyes on you. (Not only women have body image issues.) Did I stop playing basketball… or baseball? No, that would have been stupid. Besides, my sophomore year high school team really needed me as a starting pitcher. I was 4-1, I think, until the varsity coach poached me and then promptly sat me on his varsity bench. What a meathead he was.

Do tough things.

When my wife encouraged me to run with her- not just run for fitness, run in races… 5Ks, 10Ks, 10 milers, eventually a half-marathon, then another half and another half, then… it was inevitable we’d get to the big one. She asked me to run a full marathon with her.

I said no, I don’t think I can do it due to my condition. She told me it’s all in my head and I should get over my hangup. She was right. We’ve run (and completed) a marathon every year since 2016.

So yeah… chess. I need to stop tinkering with my chess engine and play more. Play the game (and follow a study plan), not program the game.

Play the game (and follow a study plan), not program the game.

To that end, I just won a 3m+2s game tonight that lasted 73 moves (rare for two patzers in blitz), surviving serious time pressure. So that’s a start. I would have delivered mate but my opponent realized, in a KP vrs K endgame, that my pawn was going to promote, so he (she?) let his clock run out- only 12 seconds so I didn’t see it as bad sportsmanship. Other than hanging my queen in the late middlegame (32. Qf5+?? I thought I was forcing a trade of queens but overlooked his knight… he missed it too), I’m proud of my effort.

Anyhow, I don’t know what my point is… Perhaps it’s this: Don’t get down because you’re not perfect and can’t play chess precisely like Grandmaster Magnus Carlsen or the Ethereal, Komodo Dragon, or Stockfish chess engines. I seriously doubt Usain Bolt loses any sleep worrying about the F1 race car that’s faster than he is. Or the shitty used car driven by a high school kid in his neighborhood, ha ha.

I seriously doubt Usain Bolt loses any sleep worrying about the F1 race car that’s faster than he is.

Grind of a Blitz Game

Here’s the blitz game I referred to above. As I said earlier, it’s pretty rare for two patzers in blitz to play more than 70 moves and reach a KP vrs K endgame. Especially considering I had only seven seconds on my clock from move 30 onward and basically was living off the increment. After I won, I gave Komodo Dragon four threads and one minute to analyze the game and insert suggested improvements.

(1) I’ve never been medically tested so I don’t know how severe my case is, nor how to officially measure the deformity. My sternum appears to be sunken two inches.